Emotional Blackmail

We have heard many cases where children have deserted their parents and gone to lead their own lives. Or cases where children have made their parents lives miserable. Here is a case where both the parents have made their children’s life a living hell.

The other day I came across a young couple, newly married, completely emotionally choked. They could hardly talk. They were under acute pressure. On probing further, it turned out that all the pressure was being generated back at home.Yes, their parents were the root cause of it all. The boy’s parents and the girl’s parents are the classic dominating type of parents in context of the Indian society. Both the families are struggling financially and depend on their kids to fund them for the rest of their lives.

By nature,the couple took solace in each others company by filling in the emotional void created by their respective parents.Each of the parents were very demanding and rude.Its hard to imagine in this day and  age that young adults get bullied by their own parents. Demanding money, dictating their lives, being rude or abusing them verbally only because this couple felt it would be disrespectful to answer back to their parents.

Yes, it sounds incredibly frustrating to hear this, but we cannot judge them comparing the way some of us have been brought up.If a child is conditioned to subservience since childhood then he or she grows on to become a recluse and loess self confidence.What compounds the problem is if someone else tries to reason with the couple. They immediately put up a defense wall and don’t give you a chance to solve the problem.For them it tantamount to disrespecting the family and its becomes their moral duty to protect the honor of the family.

What they don’t realise is, by defending something wrong, they are messing up their own lives.Their future could get completely messed up.Its easier said than done when its the guilty party are none other than the ones who brought you into this world.The mind tries to balance out gratitude with acceptance.  The children feel obligated to fulfill every wish or demand their parents make just because…well becaue they are their parents.I feel sad for this talented young couple. They really are not dealing with the problem in a right manner and are increasingly getting depressed.

I think it is important to let every parent know that while you are going to be the loving daughter or son , you will also grow into a an individual man or woman which needs to be respected equally.You will need to say “no” if you don’t believe or agree on something – without being disrespectful. You will need to have objectivity in spite of this being an emotional issue.It also needs the courage to upset them if need be and move out of the house to be on their own.

It needs to be done  before its too late for them.




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