Love it or Leave it?

The other day someone asked an interesting question in close gathering.What is the right time to quit? Is it  different  for a job vs. relationship?  How do you determine when enough is enough? How do you know you are putting up with shit and not just showing resilience or strength of character? What is the threshold of tolerance and how do we arrive at it?

Life, as we knew it earlier is somewhat different now. Our earliest perceptions about life are black and white.It’s only later in life do we realise that it is nothing but multiple shades of grey. The definitions we had to for love, commitment, continuity at age 20 are quite different at age 25, largely different at 30, and it is safe to say, that it will be dramatically different at 40, so on and sot forth.

That said , how do we plot our lives? What is true today could become false tomorrow.What is applicable today could become redundant tomorrow.So do we keep changing from time to time? If the answer is yes, then one way to look at it is – that you will be left with no originality or sense of belonging.You will be flexible, adaptable and chances are you would care less or think passionately about someone, or some place or something.

You see adaptability has a flip side too.!  It’s extreme being called as spineless and it’s opposite end being called dictatorship ! Most corporates and most of our society will love to say “Change is the only constant” – if  that being the case we would progressed as a society with zero crime,prejudice and injustice. So obviously,even though times are changing, people arent changing fast enough, or maybe not in the same direction.

Quiting is never going to be fun.It is going be difficult, it is going to be painful and in most cases be a bit messy.Additionaly post executing the quit decision you might get into the regret-the-quit phase. and think of a get-back-again situation. ! Rebound as they say or for some reconcile or for some simply “now-he-gets-it”.

So here is what I think we should keep in mind, with a disclaimer that if it has worked for me ,there is no guarantee it will work for you –

  1. Before Quitting –
    1. Be aware that there is no guarantee that the next job or relationship will work out the way you want.(shit is no different globally)
    2. Be aware that you will go through a rebound phase.
    3. Be aware you will question the validity of it all  and get philosophical. (yeh sab ka kya fayda types)
    4. Be aware you will not get back the good things you have currently (tough to imagine in this mindset,but think objectively)
    5. Be aware someone else will surely, most certainly stand to gain on your exit.( so don’t bang your head and think “I could ve easily…”)
  1. Before  Continuing –
    1. Remember  if you take shit , you invariably always, get more shit.
    2. Remember this could last a lifetime and you die unhappy.Is it worth it?
    3. Remember the number 1 – it is the only life you have – make the most of it.
    4. Remember your decision to pursue,will be severely tested.
    5. Remember life can pass you by quickly,so wake up and live life to the fullest.

The above instances give you a classic peek that life is all about multiple shades of grey.So if there was a mid path, here s what it would more or less sound like.

  1. So go ahead fearless, not reckless not irresponsibly.
  2. Do not regret any outcome or decision.
  3. It’s okay to make mistakes.You can only get better.
  4. Don’t let success or failure tie you down.
  5. Learn the art of selective indifference  – it doesnt matter beyond a point.

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