2012 No Aaah!

Everyone has a little child hidden in them, A beautiful mind,no matter how mature experiences make us.That little child hopes,dreams,and lives in a fantasy,like Truman show, till a giant tidal wave hits him like there’s no day after tomorrow.Amongst falling trees,and flying cars,he Bolts,bolts hard till earth quakes remove the ground beneath him.Alas,he falls,great balls of fire,top gun, hot-shots later ,he holds on to a tiny branch,the branch of life….Knowing the branch is wilting under pressure,his weight is finally beginning to show, curse the big macs, he’s falling now into a deep Cliffhanger gorge when suddenly a plane,air force one rescues him with his father hanging onto the wings to make the mission possible.

And they lived happily even after….this is an excerpt from my upcoming movie 2013..Carry on

If you thought that my script above was corny and at best a B-grade flick – then please fasten your seat-belts for a cutting edge,thrilling special effects filled, multi million dollar out-of-this-world-extravaganza,where in you just might want to jump off for fresh air.[No pun]

2012 is completely out of this world…and it should’ve  remained there.!

There is “derama”,tragedy,emotion,comedy,romance and fake accent.It’s different. It’s mind-blowing.Take your pick.Scene begins with fake accent Indian Astrophysicist in a coal mine with all state-of-art equipment,which ofcourse NASA is sponsored kindly,which also is near his house backyard,which also has a beautiful wife. uh hmm whatever.

Cut to Washington DC,the lone “bright scientist” has a report.and Lo and behold the earth is coming to an end…and by the way the year is still 2009. the activities of the next 2 and half odd years pass off with random events,mini-earthquakes,and the usual separated father,who incidentally sold 422 copies of his fantasy book,and now is a driver to a Russian diplomat or err a boxer,well we’ll settle for a Russian diplomat looking ex-boxer, has a fake accented personal body guard who doubles up as a pilot, and the lover of his beloved,the second one.Who was also an ex-boxer…no am just kidding.Phew.Takes his children to Yellow stone in a highly classified area.God have mercy on America’s security systems.

Many such concoctions later, if you re still not feeling heady enough, no worries, there’s more galore.In comes the US president,has to be afro-american these days you know why, who also has a daughter who was a virgin kisser till college.After all you’ve got to be scared of the president’s daughter.Sir Jefferey Archer you might want add this to your next.

Some people screaming, some running,some trying to act and some pondering – all of this while hell breaks loose. And after some mumbo-jumbo geek talk we have special-effected earthquakes,specifically in regions away from the capital where ofcourse people are working and planning.Satellite communications are always on,TV’s working, and not to forget a mobile call never drops.Wonder when did networks get that kind of technology.

In due course, ships overturn,cities fall [mostly in US] rest of the world in only on standby mode as the US president thinks of what to do order a specialist evacuation or save humanity in general.Last seen dumped in ashes and waiting to get cleansed…but a giant tidal wave. now the game of chinese whispers begins -who is the president? one protocol after the other, some guy- who i think was the most vocal got the job.Haven’t we heard that before.

For all the human rights record that China has had, the day had come for it to get “wiped.” Noah’ s new ark was made in china! .Wonder who bargained for it.Anyways.more crashing, and burnings later we have this huge wave about to hit the erstwhile quaint little town.Our friendly neighborhood separated father,failed author,about to be superman manages to get in the ark only to find his tail s got stuck in the hydraulics.

With some more deliberations later we realize that Mount. Everest was closer that you’d previously imagined.and noah’Ark [since renamed as No-Aaah Ai High on hing.]was on collision course.With now not separated father,still failed author, now closer to ex wife as well, husband gets his tail out of the dock, the ship err ark starts floating again.Saves mankind and animalkind alike.

Now that you are gasping for fresh air and want to eject out, the story goes on ..all mankind sees sunshine again..virgin kisser kisses..and failed author is now superman.

Thus concludes the colossus  idiosyncratic epic.

Net net – 2012 is  a movie to watch if you re the one to watch it only for special effects – you might enjoy it. If  bad acting,fake accent,gaping holes in the script,and some scientific misrepresentations,doesn’t bother you- you might like it.

it’s Hollywood’s ode to Bollywood masala.

Rating – 2.12 /2012

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