The Great Indian Flimsy Awards


Welcome to the GIFA awards. You too can get an award if you are a star. We accept cash or credit card or even in kind. Special discounts for ” insiders ” , we offer a special yearly subscription , the ‘Nepo’ package. Its based on a SaaS model, I mean Star Awards As A Service!

The package will need your active participation though. You will need to dance, ( we’ll pay you some money of course, you may be asked to react to a jibe, (we’ll let you know in advance) , you may be asked to take off your shirt, ( you might get a movie offer, so this one is on you) , you might be asked to clap and smile once in a while, ( we will loop the reaction for the balance 6 hours, but you can’t charge us for that) and last but not the least you could even be a host, ( in which case you can air your dirty laundry free of cost). You can always opt out of the package, ( in which case you ll have to buy a stand alone  award and in case you change your mind and want to re join ,we have special offers for that too!)

So sit back, relax and enjoy the show.  That dear readers, was the breeze version of the story. Here is the documentary version of it below:

Think of the Indian Film Industry and  you have a picture in mind : high octane songs and dances, dramas and action, comedy and colors, music and  razmatazz. All rolled into one crazy long winded soap ,froth, juggernaut.  A belligerent juvenile delinquent.

The problem begins when the whole show becomes a platform to pass sarcastic comments, sometimes vulgar remarks passed off as humor, sometimes glorious self promotions, sometimes promote upcoming films, and the worst of all results which no one really cares about, because they lack authenticity of selection process.

New awards are created on the fly to appease “stars” lest they won’t turn up for the function. So there is an award to please all the guests!  The function is laced with innumerable dance item numbers which increase the length of the show time. And so, by the time you reach the end of the show, there are only a handful people left in the audience to clap.

The networks have devised a clever way of looping reactions. They capture the first few minutes of celebrity reactions, and keep looping it for the television audience. There are lewd remarks on cofactors ,again passed off as humor.

The hosts are often seen abandoning the stage and go into the audience  to interact with the celebrity guests. Sometimes you see a celebrity get angry and agitated, but don’t worry, that too is part of the script!

So it is not surprising when these performances need to be appraised, appreciated, awarded, you get an event which has all makings of a colorful potboiler , high on packaging low on content.

So an awards ceremony , which by design should celebrate excellence of motion pictures and its nuances, becomes more like a clumsy loud dance and drama show.

Now, I am not suggesting our award shows become like Oscars. We need to maintain our originality, but within the limits of sanity and sanctity. Here are some changes I could think of :

  1. Limit show time to 3 hours.
  2. Focus on limited song and dance routines.
  3. Allow winners time to share  what went behind their effort.
  4. The hosts  really need not be slapstick funny or corny. A simple but meaningful presentation is as good. Indian audiences do understand subtlety.
  5. The award nomination process to be made public.
    • The award selection process to be made public.
    • The jury selection criteria to be made public.
    • The results /votes to be audited.
    • The final  results to be kept secret till the envelope opens on stage.
    • Do away with On the fly awards.
    • The number of awards given each year should remain same for at least 5 years. Change only if there is a significant need to adapt to a new modern practice.

Focus on the artiste and his or her performance should take center stage more than any other commentary. Last but not the least, promote the event as a celebration of excellence and not nepotism and incestuous family connection affair. Every insider has an outsider connection!  And if all remains in the family, then why make a film for the public?

But the show must go on, and so must the buffoonery and clowning at the next GIFA awards. You will see even more stupidity, sarcasm , vulgar humor and with an adequate dose of social media messaging which is  JHMJ ( jan hit mein jari)  for the television audience and leave the sanity check to few liberals on twitter and blogs.

 

GB

IIFA,  Filmfare   Karan Johar

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